


Love Purely

by cjjade



Series: The Power of Love [3]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, M/M, Paul Coker Centric, Soulmates, True Love, sad but also ends on a positive note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-16 08:46:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21505117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjjade/pseuds/cjjade
Summary: It's time for Paul to let go of Ben, and face the simple truth...he's dead and Ben isn't.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell, Paul Coker/Ben Mitchell
Series: The Power of Love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1508435
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	Love Purely

**Author's Note:**

> This was not supposed to be, but Jacey was uber excited to beta read it. It's a birthday present to a friend who kept asking; what happened to Paul, will you bring back Chris, who is this William guy? Not sure I check all those boxes, but here you are love. 
> 
> Was only supposed to be a quick little maybe 2k one shot...well 7k words later it became something more. So I may come back at some point and venture more into this little world I created. Maybe, no promises. I just finished chapter 1 of Love Gently, so should be out around Thanksgiving weekend. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think. 
> 
> jacey you are superstar!

** Love Purely **

Paul Coker was a patient man, he was calm, quiet, and could wait for what he knew deserved in his life. He had his pride sure, but he knew when you gave a little the universe gave back. He believed in true love. Paul had loved, loss, felt heart break, but he had felt true joy and love as well. He tried to fill his entire life with positive vibes, fun people, and good memories. Looking back on it all he could honestly say expect for his death he wouldn’t have traded or changed a thing. Because all those hard moments, all the bad, all the time he felt anger, wanted to give up, they had led to the good times. 

They had led to Ben. 

Ben Mitchell was his everything. From the first moment they met, to the way Ben’s voice went low and gruff, to the way his blue eyes darkened, to his warm body pressed against the building. Then to the way Ben’s lips felt on his, it had all felt so good, tasted so good. Paul wanted to drown himself in Ben, to never come up back up for air. At times Paul wondered if that was what had happened. Losing himself in Ben had been so easy, loving Ben though, that had been hard. Looking down at his hand, to see Ben’s name on his finger. Paul hated how his heart broke as the memories all came back to him, hated the sting he felt all over.

Ben Mitchell was not an easy person to know as just someone to call a mate. To know Ben Mitchell as a lover, then as a boyfriend had a different meaning, a harsher reality. You had to deal with the years of mental and physical abuse. The years of him being told he wasn’t good enough to be Phil’s son, he wasn’t tough enough to be a Mitchell. To the pure shame and destructive behavior that came with his being gay. To love Ben Mitchell meant dealing the highs and super lows of someone who truly hated who they were. Paul had wished that Ben could have seen or felt what he saw or felt when Ben walked into a room. He wished Ben could have truly just accepted that simply being Ben was enough.

“You need to let go,” William told him appearing behind him laughing as Paul jumped.

“What are you doing here,” Paul grumbled falling back down in his sofa. William smirked as Paul reminded him of a child in time out, his crossed his arms against his chest, his eyes were sharp, and his lips formed a pout. “Don’t you have someone else to destroy.” 

“I’m checking in,” William sighed looking around the room, he couldn’t help the frown. The room was bare, just white besides the grey sofa Paul was in. The other elders had been right, it was going to begin soon. “Paul you need to let Ben go you need to move pass this.”

“Again with this,” Paul snapped, every time William came to see him, they argued this. William felt for Paul, he truly did. “I have let him go! I risked everything so he’d accept Callum.”

“Oh Paul, you truly don’t see it,” William whispered softly coming to sit next to him, Paul shot him a glare that William would bet would turn someone to ice. Paul was so blind. “You love Ben, and he loved you but it’s time to accept he isn’t yours anymore. As long as you keep this attachment to him, he isn’t truly able to give himself over to Callum.” William watched Paul look at him, saw his face soften but still there was not belief in his eyes. “I just don’t understand why you are holding on so hard to him.” William looked Paul in the eyes as he spoke hoping, that something would click.

“I’m the only one he has,” Paul replied with a huff. Paul needing William to understand that Ben didn’t have anyone else, he only had him. Paul was the only person who loved him enough to save him.

William looked at Paul, for the first time in the time he had been assigned to him William truly saw him. Everyone saw his smile, his curly hair, and eyes that shined as bright as gems. Paul could make even the worse soul laugh. Could make those rotten dying souls feel good and happy for the small time they had left. Paul had brought so much joy to this place, that seeing him transition on was going to be hard. Because it meant he might go away. Paul had an act for helping people, for healing them, for seeing the good underneath all the layers of damage. William had thought he’d make a good agent. 

Some become agents as punishment to balance out all the bad they had done as a living person. For some it could take centuries, but their side was about giving anyone a chance if they could learn, could change. Some like Roxy Mitchell do it because they need to complete their life goal still. They had more than a few from the Mitchells bloodline as agents, but Roxy was a special case. She wasn’t supposed to die that day, someone made a mistake and now she’s stuck. It pained William, especially when his fellow Elders did nothing. Then there were people like Paul Coker. That even after death had the capacity for doing good, but Paul couldn’t while he held onto his past life—onto Ben. He was literally damning his very soul to an eternity of misery and pain. 

Now William knew why. The Elders had agreed to him trying one last time. Paul had been placed here int eh hopes time away from seeing the living would help him accept he wasn’t a part of their lives anymore. Ben was alive and Paul was dead, it was time for them both to move on. But everyone William included had underestimated Paul, and how deep his loyalty and pride go. Paul just assumed that without him Ben would fail, he wouldn’t accept Callum or the life they could live together. Paul had it in his mind that he was the only person on Earth that could love Ben enough to save him from himself. William wouldn’t allow the other side to win his soul, they had lost too many souls this way. 

But now William knew how to save Paul.

“Come on,” William slowly smiled standing up extending him his hand gently, smiling wider as he wiggled his fingers, watching Paul laugh lightly.

“Where to,” Paul questioned weakly his eyes dead set on the hand. Paul felt the voice inside his head tell him no, it was a trick but something deeper, that sounded like Pam, told him to have faith. 

“Heartbreak,” William admitted softly, William smiled sadly as Paul took his hand allowing William to pull him up. They were now looking each other in eyes as William laced their fingers. “This probably isn’t going to be easy for you. At times it is going to hurt but it’s time.” Paul opened his mouth to question what he was talking about. Then suddenly felt the room begin to blur, he felt William arms wrap around him to keep him upright. Paul really hated afterlife travel.   
  


When Paul was with Ben taking him around it had not felt as intensely bad. Paul didn’t know if it was because his mind was so set on the mission or because he didn’t want Ben to see him like that. Ben couldn’t see how sick it made him. Traveling through the veil of life and death was not easy, though Paul suspected that was the point. He didn’t understand how William could just do it. Paul literally felt like his entire body was turning inside out. But then he didn’t know how old William was, so that might have something to do with it. Paul had seen various tattoo marking on his body peak out from time to time. The marking always faded as quickly as they appeared thought. Everyone knew William didn’t tolerate people asking about his prior life, it was pretty much an unwritten rule to never ask William anything.

As Paul’s feet hit the ground, he felt that horrific pain in his stomach. It was sharp like someone took a dull object then stabbed him slowly while giving it just a little twist, then the nausea hit him. His hands began to shake his body felt cold, like had been locked in a meat locker. The air around him was thick, his lung felt like they were filled with smoke. Then as if someone gave a finger snap it was all gone. Paul felt normal, except for the icy chill feeling over his body. William told him that fades with age, but even he still feels it at times. Paul liked it, reminded him he wasn’t among the living anymore. Paul at time wondered if the icy feeling was their humanity. As the dead let go of their past self, they felt the warm numbness over the icy chill. Until one day they couldn’t remember what feelings were anymore, it was just a faded memory of the past.

Opening his eyes Paul knew where he was before the spinning stopped, he’d know this flat anywhere. His old flat was different from when he had been here with Ben, had it been that long. Paul turned his head around to see a Calendar, January 2020. It had been summer hadn’t it, or maybe early fall, it all seemed so fuzzy. So possibly maybe almost four months. The place looked so different in that small time. It wasn’t just the paint either, the place had a different feel about. Paul stopped when he saw the wall. Saw the pictures. They were everywhere. Ben and Callum. Did Ben live here?

“Honey I’m home,” Ben laughed jokingly as he walked inside with bags of food, then stopped as he saw brownies and cupcakes in containers on the counter. “You two better not have ruined your appetite on sweets.” Paul frowned, he sounded so---domestic. 

“That’s for tomorrow daddy,” Lexi answered back skipping into the room with Callum behind her attempting to finish his French braid on her wet hair.

“Lexi this is hard to do when you are moving,” Callum laughed tying off the end of her braid, while she’s giggling. Paul felt sadness wash over him, Ben let Callum watch Lexi?

“Shower before dinner,” Ben questioned pulling the food out of the bags, Lexi grinned Chinese food, then frowned as she saw Callum’s face.

“Well your daughter thought it would be a good idea to squeeze food coloring all over herself,” Callum explained looking at her, Ben watched as she smiled up at him innocently. “Luckily I got it all out of her hair and off her face, but her dress might not be so lucky.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Lexi told Ben crossing her arms with a pout. Ben looked to Callum who smiled as he went to get plates. “I wanted to see what color it was and squeezed the tube a little harder than I meant to.”

“You can explain that to your mother when she and Jay get here for dinner,” Ben told her watching her face crinkle, and she start to whine. “No way young lady, when you mess up you face the consequences.” Paul couldn’t deny she looked just like Ben but had her mother’s hair color.

“I’m partially to blame,” Callum sighed, sometimes he thought he had this parent thing down but days like today proved he was clueless. “I shouldn’t have put the box up after we finished with the frosting.”

“Lexi is old enough to know she shouldn’t squeeze tubes of liquid,” Ben told him eyeing her, they watching as she nodded knowingly. “That is why she’s going to tell her mother what happened.” Lexi let out another whine. “But first she’s going to set the table.” Paul watched as she took the plates with a sigh, he then watched as Ben walked over to Callum who still looked sad, Ben gave a laugh. “This kind of stuff happens babe,” Ben told him wrapping his arms around his waist Callum smiling as he rubbed his face into his chest. Ben gave a small groan he smelled like berries and detangler. “Last week Lola walked in on Lexi making a bubble bath for her dolls with Lola’s very expensive body wash.”

Paul watched as Callum started laughing, watched as Ben seem to fit in Callum’s embrace like they were two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly. Callum leaned down to kiss the top of Ben’s head, just as Ben leaned up to kiss him Lexi was calling Callum’s name. William laughed behind Paul, but Paul felt sick. Like he was invading a moment he shouldn’t. As Callum walked off to help Lexi, Paul noticed that Ben looked around. Paul noticed he wasn’t wearing his ring, instead he was rubbing where Paul’s name was. Ben shook his head then turned to grab more items to set the table with. 

Lola and Jay popped in not too long later, holding hands as Lola carried a bottle of wine. Paul couldn’t help but smile, their souls just shined so bright. He knew William could probably feel how overjoyed he was that they got back together. The moment they walked past him Paul could smell the sweet tanginess of their union. Just like that Paul saw them in his head, and he knew it was one of their possible futures. A home of their own, two little boys running around, he could see an older Lexi there rolling her eyes at something they said as she chased them. 

Paul watched Lexi tell her mother what had happened, watched her face go all mother like for a moment. As Lexi explained Paul found himself looking at more pictures, Callum had them everywhere. “That was a new dress you ruined young lady.” Paul heard Lola exclaim then he could hear a soft mumble of an apology. Paul felt this pain inside of him with each photo he looked at. There was one with everyone. Phil looked so proud standing next to Sharon and Ben. Soon everyone was eating dinner. As Paul felt as well as saw the love at this table, a family table. Watched as Ben’s hand rested on Callum’s thigh loosely, Paul was sure Callum didn’t even notice it. Their affection both emotional and physical for each other was just so nature.

Paul walked around feeling time speed up, when he returned Lola and Jay were gone, the table cleared, and Ben nowhere in sight. Callum was in the kitchen with what appeared to be Lexi’s dress in his hand. Ben walked in rolling his eyes as Callum did something to it, and then put it into the sink of water. Paul continued to watch Ben look at Callum like he had gone totally mental as he explained why he had been on some website. Callum was going on and on about stains; Paul honestly wasn’t listening. He was watching Ben; Ben who was just watching Callum with this silly goofy look on his face. Like Callum was explain to him the mean of life. Paul could hear William tell him in a sense that was what was happening.

“Are you seriously going to feed a horde of seven years old that many brownies and cupcakes,” Ben asked thanking every deity he and Jay made plans. Paul watched Callum sort through clothes to wash with Lexi’s dress. “Why green anyways.” Ben asked looking behind him then back at Callum, he had a weird feeling tonight. “Aren’t you doing some fairytale from your comics.” Callum shot him a glare as Ben laughed.

“Lexi wanted to make those mint browning,” Callum replied tossing a shirt over Ben’s head both laughing. Paul watched Callum then toss some of their clothes in a basket, then resumed looking around for more. “I figured why not we’re reading Robin Hood, and he is usually portrayed in green.” Ben smiled, of course he’d match the snacks with the book.

“You know if you get that stain out Lola will be ecstatic,” Ben laughed Callum laughed with him. Ben stopped again looked to the doorway, Paul held his breath, then Ben shook it off. He had been doing that all night. William looked at Paul with a nod, Paul looked away bothered. “I was thinking since we’re going to have Lexi on Valentine’s weekend” Ben starts walking towards him slowly then looks at the door again, he needed this weird feeling to go away. “How about us going away the weekend before. Just the two of us, maybe shut off our phones.” Ben smirked watching Callum shot a look then laugh, Lee and Nancy had been calling him—a lot.

“That the week of the Story Telling Hour,” Callum reminded him watching Ben giving him a sour look. Callum let out a sigh “I guess I could move it.”

“Or cancel it,” Ben said, then groaned as Callum gave him a light push. “Fine,” Ben mumbled rolling his eyes in a very Ben Mitchell fashion. “Move it to the next weekend when we have Lexi.” Ben wondering how he ended up with someone like Callum Highway. “You two can spend all day reading about knights and wizards and I’ll just eat cold Chinese food on the couch.” Ben looked at Callum smiling when he gasped.

“Lexi would love the tale of Camelot and Avalon,” Callum agreed tossing more clothes in the basket, as Ben just watched him. Paul watched as Ben just starred at him. “Or maybe Beowulf, she’s been asking about Norse mythology quite a bit lately. As hot as Chris Hemsworth is she…” Callum turned to look at Ben looking at him with such a wonder look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s been over fifteen minutes,” Ben told him softly pointing to his watch, then gave a light laugh as Callum smile giving him a small kiss before rushing off with the basket.

William watched Ben laugh as he watched Callum rush off towards the kitchen balancing the basket on his hip. The hit of desire and lust was strong, he had felt it all night but right now it was on the edge of overpowering. If someone of his age could feel it then someone as young as Paul felt it intensely. The emotions of the living were addictive, there had been agents that they had lost. Sometimes you lose yourself in places, some were built of greatness true holy lands. Some of great evil, it was true there were cities that not even the princes of hell ventured to. Hell and it’s Princes were a complicated mess, few had gotten it right. 

William looked over at Paul, huis heart shattered as he saw his face. He looked so utterly torn, he knew a battle was raging inside of him. William had seen hundreds of battles he knew that look. William watched as Paul walked closer to Ben, as Paul studies his face. Paul was trying to find the lie between the smile, he needed to see to feel that lie. Paul had it in his head that Ben still needed him. That only Paul Coker had the power to get him to understand how worth love he was, but that wasn’t true--not anymore. Ben had Callum now.

Ben walked past him, William smiled as the taste of lust hit his tongue, so sweet with that hint of sour. Like a ripe berry, it hit you just right, sent a small tingle throughout your body. William had never truly tasted in life, and in death it was something of a mystery. The idea that you wanted another person, that you needed someone on such a level you could almost taste them. That a person not just food could make you feel hunger. Love was warm and hearty, it made you feel like you were floating, weightless and content. Living emotions were so complex.

William was born when the earth was younger, much much younger. As the world grew so did the afterlife, unlike what living people thought there was a complex system. It wasn’t just good people go here, bad people go there, it was more complicated than that. Looking over at Callum William smiled, he had not seen someone as pure as him in centuries. Not even Paul’s soul was a bright as his. William knew Callum lived a harsh cruel life, but he gave out so much good. 

The world had changed so much. The language of his people died so long ago, he wondered if someday they’ll find it in some tomb under the sand. If they do will the living be able to crack the code, or will they have to assist like they have before. And will finding another key to Earth’s past help build peace or bring about more war. William could not count the thousands of languages he had spoken since his death. Or the thousands that were lost, it was quite sad if one thought about it. 

“Ben knows,” Paul whispered watching Ben look around. “He knows that I am here,” Paul smiled watching him shake his body for the dozenth time at least tonight.

“Ben loved you deeply,” William told Paul very seriously but that wasn’t the reason they were here. Paul followed William’s gaze over to Callum who was putting clothes into the washer. “But as you have said yourself,” William snipped needing Paul to focus, and not lose himself in the living. “While you were Ben’s first love, you weren’t his true love.” Paul looked away wiping his tears, he knew this, he truly did but now. Well now he felt it as well as saw it. “Callum deserves to be able to be with his soul mate without you keeping them apart.” Paul had never meant to keep Ben from Callum, he wanted Ben to have love, to experience joy. Where had he gone wrong, when did he mess this all up. “You need to cut Ben loose, no more coming to him in dreams or _helping_ him.” William went on with a disapproving hiss. Paul knew William was talking about when Mick brought Ben to his grave, that was when he got locked up. He had meant to help, to say his goodbye, but that wasn’t what happened. “You are dead Paul, it’s time to truly accept that.” 

“I just want him to be happy,” Paul stated watching Ben walk towards the couch, he now had his glasses on. Callum had changed into joggers and a tee, telling Ben to be quiet pointing to Lexi’s room. Paul could barely remember spending much to any time with her, but Callum apparently did. “This is just harder than I thought,” Paul admitted wanting to touch him. “Letting him go.”

“Paul you did what you were always meant to do,” William laughed trying to even out his own emotions, it had been awhile since he’d been around the living this long. William gently moved Paul to see Ben. “Look at how happy he is, how loved he is.” William whispered into his ear, needing him to feel the good emotions not his own heartbreak. “You did this, you aren’t letting him go. You are letting him live the life he is destined to live.” Paul whimpered softly tears falling down his face, he could feel Ben’s emotions rushing through him. He really was holding Ben back, his inability to let Ben go was keeping him from truly loving Callum. “Would it help if I told you, on this current path, it most likely Ben and Callum will live a very long happy blessed life together.”

“Will they have children,” Paul asked looking towards Lexi’s room, Ben had never mentioned wanting children. He knew Lexi was his universe though, and he was good with children. 

“I don’t know, it fuzzy honestly,” William admitted, Callum wouldn’t mind but Ben had reservations about more children. “But I do know that Lexi grows up loved and protected, she has a bright future ahead of her. Ben breaks the cycle.” William laughs Ben’s love for Lexi is the truest purest form of love on earth. Paul wipes away his falling tears as Callum sits on the couch. Paul laughs as Ben follows moments later his head going straight for Callum’s lap. “Come on Paul.” William tells extending his hand again, Williams own face showing more emotions then Paul had even seen him express. “All because your dead doesn’t mean you are over.” Paul looked at William strangely, wanting to tell him that’s exactly what it means. “Haven’t you ever heard death is only the beginning.”

Paul groans rolling his eyes, William laughs as Paul takes his hand again. Paul watches closely, Ben’s eyes close as Callum started to massage his scalp, Callum is going through a list of movies. But you can tell Ben isn’t listening to him. Suddenly everyone hears a small voice calling for Ben, Paul jumps while William snickers. Ben groans with a smile while Callum laughs as he watched Ben slip off the couch to go see his daughter. He may project annoyance, but you can tell he’s not truly bothered.

William pulls Paul along, something inside of William tells him they need to see this. They find a very upset little girl while Ben tries to give her a dozen stuffed animals, but she keeps saying she wants Miles. They then watch Ben look up and down for some stuffed animal, while she sits on her bed with a pout. Paul can hear her swear she didn’t leave it in her other bedroom. Ben eyes look up to a shelf, Paul watches as he gives a frowned look to that shelf. Ben is seconds away with telling her it must be in her other room, when they both hear a cough.

There standing in the doorway is Callum holding up a plushie of what looks like a Spiderman waving it in the air. Lexi happily giggly yells “MILES” then jumps into Callum’s arms who catches her with a laugh. Ben laughs with them rolling his eyes, Callum carries her to her bed and they gently start to tuck her in. Callum agrees to read her one chapter from their book, Ben shakes his head lovingly. Paul watches with a smile as he grabs a book from the shelf, its down next to her, and begins to read while she rests her head on his arm. By the time he gets to the last page she is mostly out. Both Ben and Callum kiss the top of her head whispering goodbye, then walk back to the couch. 

Paul listened to them happily bicker about some snow globe, Paul looked at William then at Ben. Ben groans as he discovers that Jay got her the new one in her room. Callum tell him he’s just going to have to accept his daughter’s love for snow globes. Lexi finds them fascinating, and pretty, they make her happy, and doesn’t he want her happy. Ben takes the controller to pick a movie, smirking as Callum gives a pained groan, it’s one of Ben’s musicals. Ben tosses Callum’s words right back at him, stating he loves musicals and they make him happy, so Callum is going to have to accept that. Paul laughs, because no matter what Ben is still Ben Mitchell. Callum starts to tickle Ben, who starts to giggle. 

“Goodbye Ben.” Paul whispers as he feels himself begin to fade away from the flat. When he opens his eyes, he is not in the white room, with the horrible gray sofa, feeling like he was fading away into nothingness. He’s back in the little village that has been his home since he woke up to discover he was dead. William isn’t with him anymore, but he knows he’ll see him again. It’s like people know, everyone is coming up to him hugging him. Paul walks greeting people until he comes to what they call the memory room.

The memory room is the room where they can see their loved ones. Paul had been restricted after he took Ben on their little trip, and then he had been locked up since the graveyard. Ben and Callum were still on the couch, but now watching whatever musical Ben put on. Ben looked so happy mouthing along to the songs, he loved musicals. It at times threw Paul off how into musicals he had been. Callum looked confused, like he had no idea what was going on. Watching them now, Paul felt different, and he didn’t know why. 

“You’re finally allowing yourself to move on,” William explained walking up to him as the screen in front of them changed to Pam and Les. They were happy, still sad at times, but happy. “We all just assume it’s the living that need time to grieve but so do the dead.” William softly told him coming to stand next to him looking up towards Paul’s grandparents. “It’s a hard painful process, giving up all your hope, dreams, wishes…knowing the ones we left behind will move on. That fear of being forgotten.” William turned to look at Paul who looked pale, and so utterly heartbroken. He felt horrible for taking Paul to see Ben and Callum, but it was the only way. “Saying goodbye to those we love is never easy, even after all this time I still miss living, and that life.” Paul gave him a nod unable to speak. It all felt to raw, too much. “It’s okay to struggle Paul, being dead doesn’t remove our ability to feel pain or love.” William told him, knowing Paul still believed they lost their ability to feel true emotion or connect as they grew to accept their place in the afterlife. “You did such a selfless pure act for Ben I truly envy your compassion for others.”

“Thank You,” Paul mumbled looking down at his hand smiling at Ben’s name, his heart hurt. Paul knew what he did was right all those months ago, but now the reality of his actions hit him hard. Ben was finally moving on Paul was just another memory. 

William wanted to tell him this was no big deal, just another day, but it was a big deal and it wasn’t just another day in the land of the dead. Paul had been so close to destroying his own soul, everyone had been worried. William knew he couldn’t tell Paul that right now though. At least not yet, Paul wasn’t in the state for that type of conversation. To know how close he had come to destroying a light that William knew should never be burn out. 

Paul loved Ben, anyone who knew Paul knew that, but that love had kept Paul from moving on. His desire to protect Ben, had helped to keep tethered together, even after his death. Love was a powerful tricky emotion, and sometimes it did worse evil than hate ever could. William knew Paul was in for a rough ride, and so did he. Because when William told him he was suspending him for seeing Ben for a while, Paul gave a nod. Ben and Callum deserved their chance, it was time for Paul to truly let go and accept his afterlife.

Paul allowed himself to be led out of the room, to see the village around him. He felt sick, while at the same time he felt lighter. Paul joined Chris. Chris would help him, he would ease him through this process, he’d be a good mate. Chris was still processing this himself, but he had not clung to his living life like Paul had. William watched as Paul looked up to a sky, night was falling here. William loved that the dead still needed night and day, even in the afterlife. William loved the stars though, so he’d never complain. There were parts that were always night though, and part that were always day, or dusk, the afterlife was endless.

As Paul went to his little cottage William followed, this would not be easy for Paul by a long shot. He had been dead almost four years, but in his mind he hadn’t been. Paul clung to “watching over” Ben, though Paul thought he had been doing good, he had been keeping himself in a type of living isolation. Paul had unknowingly kept himself from moving on and prevented Ben from moving on as well. William had seen others like this, in their efforts to help their loved one they unfortunately plagued them, haunt them. After a time, their soul slowly burned away, and they were damned to walk the earth alone for eternity. The elders had let Paul help Ben, in hopes it would help Paul to finally start moving on from life to death. They realized quickly that their intentions like Paul’s, wasn’t correction. If anything, the opposite happened, Ben was more alive for Paul at that point then he had been before. 

Paul had four years of grieving heartache added to a lifetime of dreams and wishes that will never be. But Paul was strong. William knew in time he would be fine. Paul would flourish in the afterlife like he wasn’t allowed to in life. The other elders had given him one last shot to reach him, his soul had been on the verge of starting the process. No one, not even the cruelest of the Elders ever wanted to see a soul burn. Once the burning starts, there’s no reversing it. William sat next to Paul on the swing he had on his porch, smiled at him softly as Paul looked towards the sky.

“How did I mess up so badly,” Paul weakly asked looking at the stars rubbing Ben’s name. William smiled softly taking Paul’s hands into his own, moving his finger over Ben’s name.

“I was born to a people long forgotten among the living,” William sighed trying to recall his living life, Paul watched as tattoos and scars appeared on William’s skin. “You wouldn’t be able to pronounce the name given to me at birth, the language is long dead.” William frowned sadly thinking to the ceremonies and rituals of his living days. “My people believed that when two people wanted to join their lives as one, you would combine your…lives with a mark, an emblem if you will that would be worn always. We believed this would bind our souls for eternity, so that in the next life you’d find one another again.”

“Our tattoos are what nearly let me destroy Ben’s chance at true love,” Paul shrieked looking down at his hand, William laughed, Paul watched William’s markings and scars fade once again. “I really don’t find this funny, look at the damage I caused.” 

“Paul. All because you weren’t his true love doesn’t mean Ben did not love you with everything he had,” William softly told him lifting Paul’s hand. “This right here is a symbol of your love for one another. Ben will always love you, will always feel a part of you with him. You taught him what love is supposed to feel like. Without you he wouldn’t be the man…or the father he is today,” William stated watching Paul nod. Paul knew that, he truly did, but he also felt a little cheated. 

“How did our tattoos…” Paul asked moving his hands around, William couldn’t help but laugh. William turned his face serious when he felt Paul stiffen, then watched as his face conveyed the pain he felt. “I don’t understand any of this, and your laughing at me isn’t helping?”

Paul was such a gentle soul. William could see why so many people thought of him so often. He wondered if Paul knew how many lives he touched, how many people he made better just by being himself. Paul had loved life with all his being. He saw each day as a new day, as a new beginning. He saw people as good, even those who had lied, tricked, and betrayed him he would still give a chance to. William knew that people like Paul Coker were rare, and unfortunately their time among the living limited. 

William watched as Paul’s face crumbled, he hadn’t meant to make him feel worse, he had hoped to help. Loving someone like Paul had loved Ben, and Ben had loved Paul was as rare as it was precious. The living didn’t realize how many people live and die without knowing pure love. The type of love that last beyond time, the type of love that even in death you could still feel within your soul. That was the type of love Paul and Ben shared. Even now Paul felt it here in the afterlife, Ben felt it still among the living, and Callum respected that love, respected Paul. This situation was a beautiful mess, and William felt honored to witness it.

“What happened is actually…quite rare. This doesn’t typically happen to those who aren’t soulmates,” William admitted turning to watch Paul’s face. Sometimes too much information can harm, and Paul was— _sensitive_ right now. “This could have been avoided truthfully. The other Elders ignored me assuming due to your young age this couldn’t happen.” William sighed rolling his eyes making Paul smile just a little, he had never seen William be so open. He was always so on guard, always careful never to speak more than a few words.

“What did happen,” Paul asked softly turning to look at William, his face looked strained. Like he was trying to figure out a hard problem, then Paul watched William exhale a long deep breath.

“Paul you have an amazing gift for connecting with people, both when you were alive and now in the afterlife,” William smiled watching Paul go completely lax as he returned the smile. “Mix that ability with the pure love you and Ben shared, your inexperience, and well…well you unknowingly completely by accident tethered yourself to Ben’s soul.”

“And that is what kept him from feeling his love for Callum,” Paul guessed speaking slowly as his face crinkled showing his slight confusion.

“Whenever he started to feel it your connection would once again totally by accident, remind him of you and his love for you,” William explained gently watching Paul frown as he looked away. “The situation is rectified, you let him go tonight.” William felt his own heart hurt, he had never known love, it wasn’t meant for him. To see someone who had known it, he felt both an envy and sorrow for them. “It may take some time, but you’ll see, things will get better.”

“Better for what,” Paul asked him gently looking back up to the stars. “I’m dead.”

“I promise you Paul Coker, your living life may be done but you still have so much to offer the universe,” William smiled at Paul brightly then stood up giving one last look to the stars before he began to walk off

Paul wanted to ask what he meant but he knew from almost four years of being here William wouldn’t tell him what he meant. He knew there was much more that William wasn’t telling him, but he would in time. He had been told that William was the youngest of the Elders, that was why he seemed different. He had even heard William state that a time or two, but Paul knew he couldn’t be. He had met an Elder that was born in the early 1200’s, and William had just admitted his people were so ancient they had been forgotten among the living. That his name could not be pronounced. But then Paul didn’t know exactly how one earned the rank of Elder.

Standing up Paul hated to admit it, but he felt better than he had in a while. Almost like there had been this weight on his chest he hadn’t known was there, but now he could breath again. When he closed his eyes, he felt a peace that hadn’t been there. Before all he could see, all he could feel was Ben. Looking back up to the sky he thought what a tricky thing love was. Paul smiled, maybe William was right after all. He had been telling him for a long time that people didn’t just stop because they entered the land of the dead. 

He saw Chris in the background walking around, saw him looking around, he always seemed so lost. Sucking in a deep breath Paul smiled as he walked to him. Chris in many ways reminded him of Ben, but in the same way he didn’t remind him of Ben either. It was easy to call him a mate, if they met in the living world they probably would have been. Paul looked back gave a short laugh he really did feel better. Had holding onto _protecting_ Ben really done that much damage to him as well. He looked up to see Chris giving him a wave, his smile curious. Soon they were walking the path to the river side by side, neither talking, just walking. Paul knew Chris wanted to ask, wanted to know what had happened, but Chris seemed to also know Paul wasn’t ready. So they walked and they walked, until Chris finally tired of the silence.

“Paul did I ever tell you about the time…,” Chris started with this grin that let Paul know he was in for a wild story.

He may be dead, but Paul was realizing for the first time in almost four years, that might not be a bad thing.

The End


End file.
